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| And this is goodbye, at least from this name.
My parents talked to me this morning and were telling me that with my
scores and the way I'm going, I won't make it into the UC's. And you
know what? They're probably right. I simply don't have the drive or the
will to get into one of them.
But then I thought about it...why did I really want to go in the first
place? I still want to go even now, if just in a "kinda" sense. I think
it's honestly because for my whole life--I've been following a shadow.
The shadow and dream of being like others.
My parents were always so proud of my sister. Straight-A's,
disciplined, hard-working, quiet, kind, gentle, giving, Valedictorean.
A lot of things I'm not. Me being the louder, less-disciplined, lazy,
A's-and-B's, tempermental child I am. Everyone was always so happy with my sister. And I guess...that's what I wanted. I wanted the respect people had for her achievements, I craved
it. I wanted to be the one that everyone would remember. To see my name
in lights and to have people say, "Oh! I knew her!," with a grin on
their faces. I wanted to be the "golden child".
But now, when I look back on it all. Was it really worth it? To
sacrifice myself for a fleeting image of someone else? Someone else,
much wiser than me (although I'll never admit it anywhere else) once
told me, "Are you really yourself? Or are you trying to fit yourself
into the mold of someone else still?"
And they were right. I was still trying to be someone else. Trying to
be some idealized video game character, like I was still five or six
and wanted to be a "Ballerina-Ninja-Firefighter-Goddess-Super Hero."
However, there is a problem. I honestly don't know who's the "real me".
Who am I? What am I? Am I just the almagation of
10-billion-other-personalities? A response to other people's actions?
And that is why I must say goodbye to this name and move on. Maybe then, I may finally find the real me.
♥ Lianne Kimberley Louie
EDIT: Now at <a href="http://www.xanga.com/dreamsflight">DreamsFlight</a>
<br>
| | |
| It's not showing. That's a good thing. Very good thing. Don't want to
explain to 8965876 nosy idiots tomorrow. Ask me if you're really
curious, I guess. Eh.
I think I might tell him, no, I'm too chicken.
Uhh...typing with one hand is interesting--'specially with the capitalization and stuff. XD
I failed the psat and I'm going to fail my finals...yipee. [/sarcasm]
| | |
| "We are not together here
Though we lie entwined
To make room for the other presence
We both draw back in our minds
I have a prophecy
Threatening to spill into words
This growing certainty
Of Over
There once was a time I was sure of the bond
When my hands and my tongue and my thoughts were enough
We are the same but our lives move along
And the third one between replaces what once was love
Freedom is being alone
I fear liberation
But something more alive than silence
Swallows conversation
No pleasing drama
In subtle averted eyes
The swelling fermata
As the chord dies
There's no denying we feel the third one
We do
I'm tired of hiding and so are you"
-- Between :: Vienna Teng
I sometimes wish I could write things like this. Things that INTEREST
PEOPLE. Things that people like and appreciate. Beautiful and inspiring
things. I remember Wusai asking me whether the lyrics in my profile
(the beginning lines of Aqualung's Brighter Than Sunshine) were my poetry and I remember being confused, but really kinda flattered.
I can't stand my writing honestly. I used to be really proud of it, but
that was what, 6th grade? Back then I was proud of my SINGING too and
well, you should get the analogy. I think I've improved [well at least
I hope], but even then, when I read some of my old stuff (like...a
month old AT MOST), I always get so angry at myself and trying to 'fix'
my work, but I always end up making it worse.
...I am such an emo kid. ._.;
| | |
| Wish the rain'd go away sometimes. :/
***
It's funny seeing how I've changed over the year(s?). Hmm...I should find my last one and compare... Found it.
It's private now, so as not to spam subs pages. XD
| | |
| Today I've learned a few things:
* That I DON'T fail math tests when they're multiple choice
* That Elliott now goes on a tangent more than Dresser and Dunphy combined.
* That people still can't figure out NOT TO LEND OUT/GIVE AWAY THINGS THAT ARE MINE, WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. D< (grrrr)
* That when I make icons I should really avoid text as I sux0rz at it
ANDDD
*...I like cheese? 8D
Uhh, yeah, so what if it's not really life lessons. XD
...I listen to Maroon 5 way too much. XD *prances away*
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